Saturday, May 23, 2009

5-Minute Management Course

5 - Minute Management Course

1:A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in
a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands nakedin front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?''It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?
'Moral of the story:If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with yourshareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing hergown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide upher leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'Moral of the story:If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunchwhen they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!'says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,without a care in the world.'Puff! She's gone.'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'Puff! He's gone.'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says,'I want those two back in the office after lunch
.'Moral of the story:Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like youand do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.Moral of the story:To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to thetop of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.''Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, andfound it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of
the tree.The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top ofthe tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6:A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird frozeand fell to the ground into a large field.While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realizehow warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile ofcow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.Morals of the story:(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


Send this to your bright friends who have enough sense of humor to take it!


Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Orang kata aku lahir dari perut mak.. (bukan org kata...memang betul)
Bila dahaga, yang susukan aku.... mak
Bila lapar, yang suapkan aku.... mak
Bila keseorangan, yang sentiasa di sampingku.. .. mak
Kata mak, perkataan pertama yang aku sebut.... Mak
Bila bangun tidur, aku cari.... mak
Bila nangis, orang pertama yang datang .... mak
Bila nak bermanja, aku dekati.... mak
Bila nak bergesel, aku duduk sebelah.... mak
Bila sedih, yang boleh memujukku hanya.... mak
Bila nakal, yang memarahi aku.... mak
Bila merajuk, yang memujukku cuma.... mak
Bila melakukan kesalahan, yang paling cepat marah.... mak
Bila takut, yang tenangkan aku.... mak
Bila nak peluk, yang aku suka peluk.... mak
Aku selalu teringatkan ..... mak
Bila sedih, aku mesti talipon.... mak
Bila seronok, orang pertama aku nak beritahu..... mak
Bila bengang.. aku suka luah pada.. mak
Bila takut, aku selalu panggil... "mmaaakkkk!!!!! "
Bila sakit, orang paling risau adalah.... mak
Bila nak exam, orang paling sibuk juga.... mak
Bila buat hal, yang marah aku dulu.... mak
Bila ada masalah, yang paling risau.... mak
Yang masih peluk dan cium aku sampai hari ni.. mak
Yang selalu masak makanan kegemaranku.... mak
Kalau balik ke kampung, yang selalu bekalkan ulam & lauk pauk..... mak
Yang selalu simpan dan kemaskan barang-barang aku.... mak
Yang selalu berleter kat aku... mak
Yang selalu puji aku.... mak
Yang selalu nasihat aku.... mak
Bila nak kahwin..Orang pertama aku tunjuk dan rujuk..... mak

Aku ada pasangan hidup sendiri....
Bila seronok, aku cari....pasanganku
Bila sedih, aku cari.... mak
Bila berjaya, aku ceritakan pada....pasanganku
Bila gagal, aku ceritakan pada.... mak
Bila bahagia, aku peluk erat....pasanganku
Bila berduka, aku peluk erat.... emakku
Bila nak bercuti, aku bawa....pasanganku
Bila sibuk, aku hantar anak ke rumah.... mak
Bila sambut valentine.. Aku bagi hadiah pada pasanganku
Bila sambut hari ibu...aku cuma dapat ucapkan “Selamat Hari Ibu”
Selalu.. aku ingat pasanganku Selalu.. yang ingat kat aku.... mak
Bila-bila... aku akan talipon pasanganku Entah bila... aku nak talipon mak Selalu....aku belikan hadiah untuk pasanganku
Entah bila... aku nak belikan hadiah untuk emak
Renungkan: "Kalau kau sudah habis belajar dan berkerja... bolehkah kau kirim wang untuk mak?
mak bukan nak banyak... lima puluh ringgit sebulan pun cukuplah".
Berderai air mata jika kita mendengarnya........

Tapi kalau mak sudah tiada..... ..... MAKKKKK...RINDU MAK.... RINDU SANGAT....
Berapa ramai yang sanggup menyuapkan ibunya....
berapa ramai yang sanggup mencuci muntah ibunya.....
berapa ramai yang sanggup mengantikan lampin ibunya.....
berapa ramai yang sanggup membersihkan najis ibunya.......
berapa ramai yang sanggup membuang ulat dan membersihkan luka kudis ibunya....
berapa ramai yang sanggup berhenti kerja untuk menjaga ibunya.....
dan akhir sekali berapa ramai yang sembahyang JENAZAH ibunya......

Seorang anak mendapatkan ibunya yang sedang sibuk menyediakan makan malam di dapur lalu menghulurkan sekeping kertas yang bertulis sesuatu. Si ibu segera mengesatkan tangan di apron menyambut kertas yang dihulurkan oleh si anak lalu membacanya.Kos upah membantu ibu:
1) Tolong pergi kedai : RM4.00
2) Tolong jaga adik : RM4..00
3) Tolong buang sampah : RM1.00
4) Tolong kemas bilik : RM2.00
5) Tolong siram bunga : RM3.00
6) Tolong sapu sampah : RM3.00 Jumlah : RM17.00

Selesai membaca, si ibu tersenyum memandang si anak sambil sesuatu berlegar-legar si mindanya. Si ibu mencapai sebatang pen dan menulis sesuatu di belakang kertas yang sama.
1) Kos mengandungkanmu selama 9 bulan - PERCUMA
2) Kos berjaga malam kerana menjagamu - PERCUMA
3) Kos air mata yang menitis keranamu - PERCUMA
4) Kos kerunsingan kerana bimbangkanmu - PERCUMA
5) Kos menyediakan makan minum, pakaian, dan keperluanmu -
PERCUMA Jumlah Keseluruhan Nilai Kasih Ibu - PERCUMA

Air mata si anak berlinang setelah membaca apa yang dituliskan oleh siibu. Si anak menatap wajah ibu,memeluknya dan berkata, "Saya Sayangkan Ibu". Kemudian si anak mengambil pen dan menulis "Telah Dibayar" pada mukasurat yang sama ditulisnya.

Thank you and best regards,